Demons in the Undertow

by Smashy Claw

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1.
Hooray, it’s the march of the seamen parade A day so very merry, fun, and gay The captain, the steward, and the coxswain All say, “Hey, it’s the seamen parade” Tonight the booty’s in ample supply The chest has treasure dripping from the sides The overflowing motherlode’s on every eye Aye-aye, marching for pirate pride We’ll drink till we get good and wet Till every one of us aches for the head From the throbbing bilge to the poop deck March those fine seamen So how could any matey be down? With such a lovely bounty that we found If you see a single bloody lad wearing a frown Then blow the man down
2.
02:31
I am a third-generation pirate Dad and gramps, that’s what they thought I’d be But I’ve been on this boat so long And the older I get I know it’s not the gig for me Now I know why I don’t fit in Looking at the scoundrels all around me My chiseled face and perfect skin Stand out in this sea of ugly I am a gorgeous pirate The only treasure here is my eyes This job of robbery, I don’t desire it The Dutchmen wishes he looked so fly The open sea’s not meant for the really handsome Case in point: those tacky wooden legs Your fashion sense is with Davey Jones, that patch is gross I volunteer to go walk the plank Parrots suck, can we get a dog? Avast ye lads, those legs need waxing Sagging pants will earn you a flog No one wants to see your Kraken I am a stunning pirate What dumb blind dude taught you to groom? This will for pillaging, I don’t admire it Take some tips from Orlando Bloom I am a dashing pirate The tricorn’s so 1662 This lust for plundering, I say retire it I bet a mirror would change Roger’s mood
3.
01:57
Never would’ve left if I had known how it’d turn out A colossal wreck, watching all my comrades drown The last thing that I saw ‘fore I was swallowed whole A giant pulsing eyeball and a big black hole Trying not to think about what lies below Terrified of where it goes Praying I dissolve before I get to know There were serpents on the map We probably should’ve noticed that Suddenly a figment rose Towering above the boat Aspidochelone, Tiamat, Yacumama Hydra, Lusca, Kraken, Nessie and Bakunawa If I could go back again and press redo I’d tell them what awaited in the deadly blue A vortex in the sea that salivates for you Banging on its plate for food Satiated only when it grabs ahold and chews Demons in the undertow I recommend that you stay home Unless you find the notion of Living in a stomach fun
4.
02:53
Something had died and its shell floated by at the pier And like a headphone made of bone, I put it to my ear The ocean was played in an audio wave like some otherworldly, terrible song But then later at night, back at home, I retried and I heard it still when the ocean was gone As it called to me, somehow I knew it was not from this galaxy Alien Ocean, a wave that could drown Alien Ocean, hear the sound Alien Ocean, alarmingly loud Panicked and stunned, had to warn every one of the shell They called me insane, that’s okay, I can save Earth myself Now I’m watching my back, need a plan of attack, if you think I’ll go quietly then think again So just watch what you say near a lake or a bay, cause those neon monsters are all listening in Telepathically, shining their probes for the day that they land for me Alien Ocean, a wave that could drown Alien Ocean, hear the sound Alien Ocean, alarmingly loud
5.
02:02
I was floating alone on a boat that slowly drifted For a week until the thing sank I brushed on the shore, I was hungry and sore The hundreds of rocks in a line mark the days As I sit on the bank where I sank like Tom Hanks I’m making signals for a passing ship It’s hard to adapt when you know Google maps Has an aerial view if somebody would click Just out of sight there’s a light, very bright Is it the savior I’ve been praying for? I frantically scream as it flies over me I fall in the sand, stranded here on the shore
6.
They told us we're basically water Floating round in some soft fleshy junk So I hope that the microbes that slide down my veins brought trunks Tiny people need not pay admission Cause my stomach's a wave pool for free As they swim in my personal ocean, they can't tell it's me I'm the guy behind the sea, Poseidon in reality Dive in the lake I spawned That's streaming beneath me eternally Try my inner pond If god was a lifeguard, it'd be me Though I'm dry, there's a waterpark inside me Gallons flow through the shell of your body Splash Mountain's right under your skin Moving levers to operate rides for the tide we hide within Feel the grains of the sand in your fingers Though statistics say it's mostly puke On a beach that is oddly located within the walls we grew A bottle that is labeled 'you' contains a place of fabled blue Dive in the lake I spawned That's streaming beneath me eternally Try my inner pond If god was a lifeguard, it'd be me Though I'm dry, there's a waterpark inside me Though I'm dry, there's a waterpark inside me Though I'm dry, there's a waterpark inside me
7.
Skintight speedo in a lawn chair Gut is spilling out across his lap Pinching asses as they pass him All his body hair is scaring away a tan Skeevy dude at the motel pool Staring as the girls swim He’s creeping everyone out From the wee hours to sundown Flips flops and socks will hide the gout on him Picks his nose and sucks the finger Drooling as he snores to his wet dream All the kids are scared to go near him And his comb-over slicked back with pounds of grease Skeevy dude at the motel pool Surrounded by a sea of cans Fat, stupid, drunk and lazy Gets in the pool occasionally Then it gets warm in the place he swam Skeevy dude at the motel pool How much Pabst can one man swill? With every girl he’s flirting As if he thinks it’s working When he starts burping Margaritaville
8.
Like my old man did Taking the kid out to fish Hold them when they’re young Then you blink and they’ve grown up Doctor called yesterday Sank so low as he spoke Better late than never to bond on the boat Blazing morning sun Kiddo’s coughing up a lung Innocent and brave I wish I could say the same Shaking fists push him in Splashes shaking the lake Then it’s still, and I paddle away
9.
02:12
Oh hey, motherfucker. I’m a goldfish Our attention span ain’t short at all We just think that you’re all boring as shit Oh hey, motherfucker. I’m a goldfish Rad ass gangster swimming round with his dope fins Tricked out visage with his wicked freaking gold skin I ‘m ‘a fuck your mom Oh hey, stupid fucker. I’m a goldfish All you Homo sapiens think you’re the shit Just press your lips to the glass, so you can kiss my dick Oh hey, oxy sucker. I’m a goldfish. Chilling on the Billboard cause this single is a smash hit Go on tour provided there’s a freshwater tank equipped I’m ‘a fuck your mom I know this song’s going gold like me Y’all are jealous as hell, you can’t beat this MC MC Cyprinidae Oh hey, fucker. Wanna sleep with the fishes? Bust a carp in your arse and leave you needing sixty stiches Wearing grills in my gills, po-po up in my business I’m ‘a fuck your mom Oh hey, fleshy fucker. I’m a goldfish Gangster ass figger wrecking shit like a rich pimp Underwater castle with the bitches is where I live I’m ‘a fuck your mom in my sweet aquarium Don’t flush me down the John (dead)
10.
02:18
When you're on the sea and it's raining outside You can't tell if you're sailing or flying Cause just for a second the sky Is symmetrically wet with the tide
11.
Underwater ghost He died beneath the tide and stayed there Levitates and floats Figments don’t get fishies too scared Trapped in dampened clothes Searching for the coast Looking up at boats Lovely place to die: in the ocean Underwater ghost The waves became his grave and new digs Sharks have lost all hope When they bite their teeth go through him Lifeless mass of bones Body bends and bloats Just a bit morose Lovely place to die in the ocean Buried here in the beach in a sandcasket Where the incoming tide will hide the tears Digging in like a leach, sinking back in Slipping deeper inside, he disappears Sunken spirit flows Wrinkly skin is gross Water up his nose Lovely place to die in the ocean
12.
02:20
From the sea we crawled onto the sand The water became too toxic to take From the beach the freaked out people ran Clawing our way to land All this time they thought we were a myth They couldn’t deal with learning we’re real All the mutant fish with bluish skin Don’t have a right to exist What you staring at dude? Yeah, it’s a tail, don’t be rude Except for the gills I am just like you A million marchers hold up picket signs They tell us to go way back down below We’re stealing all the jobs as scuba guides And that they cannot abide Swim in separate pools Send our kids to separate schools Refugees from a sea that you helped pollute Scared to death that there are more Put a border on the shore Just to be safe let’s nuke the ocean floor Abomination of god Pass a dozen fearful laws But we put the ‘mer’ in America
13.
02:26
Blue skin Tail replaced the legs and gained translucence A mutant blue skin We suddenly crash with those distracting sirens singing Scattered bits of ship are all that’s left In slow motion we sank, watched the sky as it shrank Garbled screams were drowning beneath waves Became a new species, exchanging hue Blue skin Tail replaced the legs and gained translucence A mutant blue skin They’ll never believe that we can breathe beneath the water Something drunken sailors swear they saw But if you’re sinking down, freaking out as you drown Worst case is you’re moving into town Then someday soon, watch your shade turn into Blue skin Tail replaced the legs and gained translucence A mutant blue skin
14.
Grundelschnük Written in a book, species long extinct Grundelschnük Floating by the brook, eyes of laser beam All the etchings would appear to show a tiny, cute, chubby scamp Bringing false security to its unsuspecting midday snack He’s a cuddly little monster that long ago haunted the beach Poison in its fang will paralyze its prey alive while it eats Ravaging the ocean vessels, puncturing hulls Scouring an empty shore with lost sailor sculls The more that I learn of this ancient scourge The more that a chill swallows me It can be small or ten stories tall Grundelschnük, the plague of the sea Grundelschnük Tongue like a hook, fur with scales beneath Grundelschnük Floating by the brook, staring at me in all my dreams
15.
Pass the flagon here, a bit of rum would do me well Aye, we’re going down straight to Davey’s sunken hell Sing a shanty fair, and we will swill away the grog Salt is in the air, and it’s a jolly dying song Ho ye scurvy dog, put away the rosary and sing along For we’re all of us born to feed fish To die by the cutlass or die with the ship Lads weigh the anchor to make it go quick As I get good and pissed off me peg Join me on the deck. Ah, the sea, she’s growing tall Curse the bloody gods who’d have us all be keelhauled Hoist another cup, cause I’ve a thirst that needs a quench Keep the hatches up, for it’s to hell we’re being sent Boys, we’re getting drenched, bottoms up till bottom out, and sing again For we’re all of us born to feed fish To die by the cutlass or die with the ship Lads weigh the anchor to make it go quick As I get good and pissed off me peg
16.
03:00

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Dive into a world of sea monsters, shipwrecks, pirates, merpeople, and mouthy fish with Smashy Claw's nautically-themed 3rd studio record.

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released May 12, 2017

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Smashy Claw Longmont, Colorado

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