Smashy Claw's Claw Machine

by Smashy Claw

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    The first half of Claw Machine (week 0-26).

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about

Songs from our weekly music video project.
Videos at www.youtube.com/smashyclaw.
UPDATED WEEKLY.

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released April 12, 2016

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Smashy Claw Longmont, Colorado

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Track Name: Dreaming of Goatees
When I was a kid I always dreamed of my first beard
A manly mane to instigate envy among my peers
Thirty years have not brought whisker one
Each day I wake with anxious glee, dreaming of goatees
But in the mirror there’s a beardless freak who starts to weep
Impatiently a razor waits untouched

Some guys leave me appalled. They bawl that it comes in small
What gall, try being totally bald, then all you’d value stubble

Bestow this bro with face fuzz
Cause currently below my nose it’s vacant
I’m starting to lose hope I’ll grow a great one
The growing’s going slow and it kills me
Of all the cruel conditions
I’m just a little molecule deficient
There go my lofty follicle ambitions
This wool omission’s just not fair
Come on drape this face so bare in facial hair

Dad said “Kiddo, childhood flies fast; soon you’ll be grown up
And lanate face, sports and steak don’t make a man; it’s the sum of what he’s done”
Never trust a patchy schmuck so blind
When other teens were making fake IDs, I made a stache
It didn’t stick too well and fell off of me in front of the whole class
After that their snide slights cut like knives

When Movember is nigh I die a tiny bit inside
So why are bearded ladies so shy? Cause I’d wear that hair with pride

Bestow this bro with face fuzz
Cause currently below my nose it’s vacant
I’m starting to lose hope I’ll grow a great one
The growing’s going slow and it kills me
Of all the cruel conditions
I’m just a little molecule deficient
There go my lofty follicle ambitions
This wool omission’s just not fair
Come on drape this face so bare in facial hair
Track Name: 500 Thousand Miles
Mashup of "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton and "500 Miles" by The Proclaimers
Track Name: I Am a Head (Inside a Head [Inside a Head {Inside a Head}])
I’m a head inside a head
Looking through the eye holes of the head that is in front of me
I’m a head inside a head
The head that sits inside me peers into my eyes so it can see
I’m a head inside a head
Miles in the heads continue looking through the other’s eyes
I’m a head inside a head
Deep beneath the heads get small enough to reach an atom’s size
I’m a head inside a head
If you’re still confused, decapitate a Matryoshka doll
I’m a head inside a head
Like a layered onion in a giant, fleshy, pulsing ball
I’m a head inside a head
Floating in the ether, every head it chants in unison
I’m a head inside a head
A billion voices crying out their hunger for another skin
Track Name: Cogs
We heard the sirens when you got pulled over by that tank
Hope your mandatory beating went well
If you resist a little bit they bring the cage
Then you’re just one of a hundred in a small cell
That’s how justice is dealt

We learn in school about the riots of 4003
When the totalitarians won the world war
Blood was rushing into sewers in the city streets
Blood of rebels that would dare dethrone our kind lords
But the peace was restored

I think we all agree, a life of servitude is better than death
So, what’s with all the dread
Cogs mustn’t misplace their steps or machines get upset

We’re living in the greatest age (since the system was gained)
With harmony among the twenty states that remain (now our brains have been trained)
We so adore the uniforms the court orders us to don (the blood is flushed by the rain)
Obey, and maybe you’ll stay safe (we drink to drain the hate away)

In every book a page or two is blackened out and burned
Like the bible says, don’t ask questions
Were you dumb enough to say you don’t believe those words?
No one gives two shits about your two cents
Thoughts belong in your head

Should the shadow council deem you guilty of what they say you’ve done
We know their judgment is just
I’m sure their dungeon’s tons of fun, insubordinate scum
We’re living in the greatest age (since the system was gained)
With harmony among the twenty states that remain (now our brains have been trained)
We so adore the uniforms the court orders us to don (the blood is flushed by the rain)
Obey, and maybe you’ll stay safe (we drink to drain the hate away)

We’re living in the greatest age (since the system was gained)
With harmony among the twenty states that remain (now our brains have been trained)
We so adore the uniforms the court orders us to don (the blood is flushed by the rain)

Obey, and maybe you’ll stay safe (the blood is flushed by the rain)
We drink to drain the hate away (the blood is flushed by the rain)
We’ve got to say we love this place
Only a traitor would complain
Track Name: The Tom Holland Song
Tom Holland, Tom Holland
Does whatever an actor can
Gets a script, reads his lines
Then his mom says it’s bedtime
Look out, here comes the Tom Holland

Is he strong? Probably not
Just a dude with an acting job
Can he swing from a thread?
No, he can’t, are you listening?
He’s not actually Spider-Man

“He’s great in the role”
Says a proud MCU
“And when he gets too old
We can always reboot”

Tom Holland, Tom Holland
Friendly neighborhood Tom Holland
Wealth and fame, not ignored
Wealth and fame is his reward

With him, box office gross is higher
Screw Garfield and Macguire
Check out the Tom Holland
Track Name: Plasticide
Here I go into enemy territory
In the next ten minutes I could be dead
Even though I’ve got karate grip
It isn’t useful cause my arms won’t bend
Piles of plastic privates passing by my eye
As I’m guided through the jungle carpet by some guy
His giant hands, like a clamp, are wrapped around my whole body

I’m a slave working for a tyrant
Just yesterday I was in a tea party
I’ve got a grave and he’s inclined to find it
Once he gets bored of this war, I’m sure that he will break me

Getting close, my digits fidget with each step
Feeling at my head that got chewed on by the dog
I’m a ghost that pictures his last breath
Dead in his never-changing camouflage
I scarcely breathe as carefully I traipse debris
I see several silent soldiers that look just like me
His crippling grip on my ribs gets me to wishing he’d end it

I’m a slave working for a tyrant
Just yesterday I was in a tea party
I’ve got a grave and he’s inclined to find it
Once he gets bored of this war, I’m sure that he will break me

The screws inside my head begin to shake with fear
Then a woman in the distance says “the bus is here”
Me and the slain are detained, entrapped in a plastic basket
Track Name: Edward Norton
Look into my mind, behind the eye you’ll find
A shy guy’s confined reciting line after line
He’s a star of the screen, but not real into the scene
Don’t make him sign DVDS cause if he’s mad then he’ll turn big and green

He’s a charitable god with an Italian job
He's the only dude man enough to survive Courtney Love

A UN ambassador with a swastika chest
The only man to wear a purple rhino costume and still look all badass
He beat Hannibal Lector, made an orange tree age
In a Broadway production, he was starring with Batman and totally showed a chode on the stage

He seems pretty smart. I’d like to eat his heart
My friends say these aren’t documentaries, but I find it hard to tell them apart
Track Name: Bloviating in the Wind
I think my colleagues on the dais
Would agree the country’s gone to hell
I’m aware that’s not the question that you asked me
But these agendas aren’t gonna push themselves

If you want someone rich and white
Who’s out of touch as fuck, I’m your guy
And to all that disagree
I’m not listening, I’m bloviating in the wind

I’ll declare to brick up the whole nation
Then a million psychopaths will cheer
The bible, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, abortion
Then when you respond, my fingers are in my ears

If you want someone anti-gay
And anti-everything, look my way
And to all the stupid kids
You can suck a dick, I’m bloviating in the wind
So go and cast a vote
Or whatever, don’t, I’m bloviating in the wind
Track Name: The Last One
The office New Year’s party
Some guy flaps his lips
He drones on, you feign a yawn
But he won’t take the hint
Time’s not really real, you know
So it feels kind of dumb
To celebrate this arbitrary
Reboot back to one

Let’s raise a toast to time
To all the days ahead
To all the ones behind

The drunken dancers mingle
This guy’s got you trapped
Politely, you try to leave
But he pulls you right back
Sure, you say that
Seconds, hours, minutes, frame your week
But that’s just what calendar companies
Want you to think

Let’s raise a toast to time
To all the days ahead
To all the ones behind

The office New Year’s party
Old Lange Syne they sing
The last one before the sun
Resets the whole damn thing

We’re counting down from ten
Hope and pray the day
Won’t come this soon again
Let’s raise a toast to time
To all the days ahead
To all the ones behind